


If Love Can Fade. (Sans/Reader)

by Anthropophobic



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aquaphobia, Attempt at Humor, C-PTSD, Depression, Drowning, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Echo Flowers (Undertale), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hypothermia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, My First Work in This Fandom, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Potentially triggering, Protective Sans (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader has a unique soul, Reader is depressed, Reader-Insert, Recreational Drug Use, S L O W B U R N, Sans (Undertale) Remembers Resets, Self-Harm, Seriously I mean it's Slow, Slow Burn, Substance Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, Underage Drinking, cigarette burns, did I mention slow burn?, reader needs help
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-01-23 16:13:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21323005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anthropophobic/pseuds/Anthropophobic
Summary: (F/N) (L/N). You know it's your name, you know it's who you are. And you know how your life was supposed to go. You were supposed to die from that fall.It's what you expected anyway..What you didn't expect was an entire world of monsters right under your feet.---"You're kidding." He brings the bottle down from his lips, turning his head to stare at you incredulously."Nope, i'm serious.""Wait okay, rewind. So you fell down..""Yes.""Into a seemingly bottomless pit.""Well in all fairness, I now know that it's, not in fact, bottomless."His browbones furrow in either disbelief or exasperation."Somehow, miraculously survived the fall-"Mhm"-immediately afterwards encounter a flower demon, get adopted by a literal goat, meet two live skeletons, then have to participate in a series of ridiculous puzzles.." He pauses to take a deep breath"and THIS is the weirdest thing to happen all day?"He half-yells, gesturing wildy to the half empty contents of the ketchup bottle."Oh yeah, most definitely."
Relationships: Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 20
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1) Journey to the Lowest Place on Earth

_Thinking back on it, it's hard to remember how it got to this point._

_Not the jumping; you remember exactly how that came to be._

_No, you mean what came before that._

* * *

**4 hours earlier**

Rain pelts harshly at the window in your bedroom, But it's only background noise to the screeching thoughts in your head. Your eyes fixate on your face in the mirror. Forcing a smile, you flinch at how wrong it looks-- your eyes are a dead giveaway. _'Oh well, it won't matter in a few hours anyways.' _Bringing the lipstick clenched in your hand to your lips, you delicately brush it on. When finished, you inspect your makeup in the mirror. Perfect. Maybe it's ridiculous to some, however, it's important to you that you feel appropriately dressed for your death. After all, you may feel like you've gone through hell, but at least you don't look like it.

As you slip on a pair of simple black boots, you turn to glance at yourself in the mirror one last time.

You feel nothing. 

Your makeup consits of a matte mauve lipstick, and a simple brown and gold eyeshadow look, with a small winged eyeliner. Thinking about all the funeral makeup tutorials on Youtube there are makes you feel a little uneasy. You turn from one side to the other to look at your dress. _'This is the first time i've worn a dress since the incident..' _You realize with a jolt. 

**_"Thank god it'll be the last" _**A snide voice in your head snickers.

You try to ignore it. The dress has long sleeves, with black mesh over the top of the skintight plain black fabric underneath. The last thing you want is for your scars to be on show whenever your body is found. Turning on your heel, you walk past the mirror and grab: your apartment keys, car keys, a water bottle, your phone along with it's earphones and your pocketknife. There's not much else you'll need for the walk. Taking one last look at your cruddy apartment, you step out and lock the door, you then drop the keys through the letter box. 

"No going back now.." you murmur whilst hearing the clang of your keys hit the wooden floor inside. 

The weather outside of your apartment complex is... appropriate. So very appropriate. The short distance from the exit of the building to your car has left your hair a stringy wet mess. Shivers rock your body suddenly, and you can practically hear your teeth chatter. You swing the door to your car open and hop in and turn on the ignition, immediately locking the doors behind you. You sit there and ponder the decision you've made. Another shiver hits you. You know this time it's not because of the cold. The rain is relentless and you begin to wonder if it's in cahoots with your thoughts. Silence is rare most days, but this is ridiculous. You slump in your seat and let out a shaky breath, then punch in the destinstion to MT. EBOTT in your car's GPS. 

After about a 2 hour drive, and a 45 minute walk, you're nearing near the top of MT. EBOTT. With the sun having set, it's hard to see where you're going. A short while away you think you spot the hole. You recall the first time you heard about this place, rumours spread about the monster race being trapped underground by humans long ago; being sealed behind a barrier unable to escape for all this time..

You chose not to believe the rumours after that. 

The crunch of twigs and dried up leaves fill your ears as you approach the hole. The size of it makes you stumble back a little in shock, it's hard to tell where the edges are, but you approach it again, accidentally kicking a small rock down as you do. You watch it fall until it disappears into the.. void? bottomless pit? Bottomless pit seems accurate, especially since it's been at least 9 seconds since that rock- **_THUD._**

Huh. _'That's.. a real long way down..' _Reflexively, you back up a little. And then you stop. 

_ **'You're backing out? Now, of all times? Don't be so pitiful, (Y/n). It's not a good look on you."** _

You clench your fists, nails digging into your palms at the grating voice. Maybe it's out of spite.. but you inch closer and closer, until your toes are just about over the edge. The rain let up a while ago, and now.. standing at the edge of your soon-to-be grave, the only thing you hear is silence. And for a brief second, you consider the possibilty that maybe you can fix this. So many people recover from this every year-

But then you remember 

And you decide to forget. 

* * *

_Thinking back on it, through the fall it's hard to remember how it got to this point._

_Not the jumping; you remember exactly how that came to be._

_No, you mean what came before that._

_How it got so bad, so fast.._

_Maybe you could have figured it out too,_

_if you weren't currently falling into a not so bottomless pit._

_In fact, the last thing you register is the colour yellow,_

_it engulfs your vision, _

_and-_

You feel nothing.


	2. Chapter 2) Encounter

The first thing that registers with you when you wake up is pain. So much pain. It feels as though someone took your spine out of your body, shoved it into a blender, and poured the shards back inside you. 

_'Ow, fuck..' _

Light from the hole you fell through is blinding, as you squint your eyes you pray that this is all in your head, your brain in it's last moments of activity. 

_'Please tell me I didn't just survive that.' _

Eventually, your eyes adjust to the light level and you blearily scan the mostly empty cave you landed in. You can't see much lying on your back like this, but you daren't move. Something soft beneath you cushioned your fall, and you can't decide whether to be grateful or furious.

_'I can't even kill myself right.'_

The thought makes you snort sourly.. then you start to snicker.. and before you know it you're laughing. Laughing at how ridiculously unfair this situation is. The pain leaves you feeling woozy and exhausted, so you laugh about that too. However It's not long before the reality of the situation you're in dawns on you- needless to say, you stop laughing.

After the giggle fit passes, everything is much quieter. The faint sound of wind carrying away stray leaves from above reaches you. Your eyes wander as you lie there listening; you assume the sun started to raise a while ago, judging from the beginnings of sun rays creeping into the cave.

_'I was out all night.'_

The realisation of how much time you've wasted gives you the push you need to sit up, suddenly. It's no easy task, and you let out more than a few curse words at the burning and shooting pains through your entire body. Finally able to move your upper body, you inspect the room more thoroughly. Beside you, on the flowerbed you seemed to have landed on, your phone and earphones lie. A sigh of relief pushes through your lips. At least now you'll have some form of entertainment whilst you try to find your way out of here. Picking up the outdated device, you fully expect it to be a little banged up, but it's completely fine.

"What the hell..?"

You're taken aback that it even turns on, displaying the time to be 6:33am.. So you were right, it is around dawn. Craning your neck, you contemplate how far you fell; it couldn't have been as deep as you thought if both you and your phone survived the ordeal. Yet as you inspect the hole you jumped down, so far away, you really consider how far you fell.. and at the speed you were going too. How did you survive that steep of a drop? The confusion of it makes you dizzy, all your thoughts tangle into each other, and you feel a fresh headache coming on because of it. It takes you a few seconds to start seeing straight again.. You come to the conclusion that the universe really has it out for you. Deciding to leave it that, you gradually push yourself up off the floor, and into a somewhat standing position, cradling your left side. Despite your efforts, the throb in your bones gets worse. You groan. 

_'I could use some painkillers right about now, cruel gods above.'_

Unfortunately, if there were some gods that heard your plea, they ignored it- you're forced to soldier on through the pain. Having had enough of your pity party, you leave the room through the archway you spotted earlier. Whilst you inspect the room in front of you, a feeling of dread washes over you. However, like all of your unpleasant emotions, you push it down and out of the way, and enter the dark room with fake confidence.

Almost immediately upon entering, a small golden flower sprouts out of the ground, an irritated expression on it's.. face?

"Howdy I'm-" upon spotting you, it cuts itself off; the irritated expression melts away into one of confusion but you're too busy stumbling away and supressing a yell to notice. "You're... new here, aren'tcha?" The look of horror on your face must show, because the Flower launches into an explanation.

"As I was saying, I'm Flowey! Flowey the Flower," it smiles gleefully at you, bobbing in place. "Golly you must be soo confused, I guess someone oughta teach you how things work around here" All traces of confusion have melted away by now, and unnerving excitement and happiness take it's place. Chills work their way through your body at the sight.

Your tongue is heavy in your mouth, making it a lot harder to swallow down and hide the fear in your voice "What.. **are** you?" The flower, Flowey, you remind yourself, stares at you. It continues to study you, almost as if it was looking through you entirely. So it takes you off guard when it starts giggling in a shrill tone. 

"I guess lil old me will have to do," Flowey cocks his head to the side ignoring your question, all the while never letting the plastered smile fall from his face, "Ready? Here we go."

You don't question it when the world around you seems to fade in colour, in fact, you assume you're about to pass out. From the pain or fear, you're not quite sure of. When the fading stops though, and you remain conscious, you realise that assuming anything down here is probably a bad idea. Flowey's gaze is fixated on something hovering between you two, drawing your eyes to it as well. You both stare in silence at the heart floating there, your eyes scanning over it. It's transparent, resembling some kind of glass bulb. Tilting your head however, you notice a rainbow sheen coating the heart similar to a bubble. It's so distracting, you fail to hear Flowey explain what it is. By the time you look up, he has summoned little white.. bullets around him? 

"Down here LOVE is shared through... little white... 'friendliness pellets.' Are you ready? Move around! Get as many as you can!" He giggles as he throws the pellets towards you. 

**"Don't let them touch you, (Y/n)." **

Your brain kicks into action, instinctively you duck out of the way of the pellets and try to make a run for the archway ahead, ready to leave this weed far behind; Said weed seems to have other plans though. Vines shoot out and wrap around your neck and torso. They hold you in place. _'No nonono there's no way I'm dying because of a damn plant!' _Something primal arises inside you, adrenaline distracting you from the hundreds of punctures in your skin. Following your instincts you flail around, trying to reach up your sleeve where your pocketknife should be. Flowey's iron clasp on you tightens. A pathetic wheeze escapes your throat when your air supply is cut off entirely. 

"Looking for this, (Y/n)?" _'How does it know my name?!'_ Dangling from another vine in front of your face is your pocket knife, he swings it tauntingly, then launches it across the room. "Oh no. Looks like that's not an option anymore." The centre of his face morphs into a grin you can only describe as demonic, and a maniacal laughter fills the silence of the room. Blackness creeps into the edges of your vision, everything going hazy. Flowey halts his laughter to release a fake sigh at your state "Giving up already? Wow, you're no fun at ALL!" When Flowey's grip loosens, you act on the only thing that occurrs to your oxygen deprived brain in the moment, and bite down onto the vine hanging in front of you. You receive a shriek in response and Flowey's grip falters almost completely. You cough desperately, wheezing to get any breath into your lungs, and tear at the vines with your teeth with a short burst of energy. The moments before you're haphazardly thrown against the wall and when lose your consciousness blur together. A sense of relief travels through your body, and unbeknownst to you, it's not your own

Making it's way to you ears, you hear a faint yell, along with the sound of crackling fire. It's the last thing you hear before you return to the comforting home that is unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the second chapter! To be honest, this definitely isn't my best work. I wanted to get the encounter with Flowey out of the way, so I could move on to the main plot. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter none the less! I'd really appreciate if you could leave a comment telling me what you think, as this is my first work and it's a little scary to put it out there, it's nice to receive feedback and such! Thank you for reading and I'll be updating again soon! - L <3


	3. Smells like Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> The chapter below contains:
> 
> Mentions of Suicide
> 
> Thoughts of Self Harm
> 
> Anxious Thoughts and Panic Attacks
> 
> and Feels
> 
> Please read with caution, and be safe <3

When you wake up, you expect to be strung from the ceiling by a demon-flower's vines. What you did not expect, was to be resting on a comfortable, single bed in an unknown bedroom. Laying there, your head throbbing in pain, you consider briefly if you're high. That would make this situation a whole lot easier to process. A sigh leaves your lips, and you fling your arm over your eyes.

"What the hell is happening?" All you wanted was to escape the confusion, pain and torture of the life you are living, and yet somehow you've ended up down here, with all of that, increased tenfold. _'Speaking of pain..'_ You pull yourself up from your laying position, expecting your body to give out on you almost entirely. Disbelief primarily makes it's way to the front of your mind, when you feel.. fine? The shooting pain throughout you body has been dulled by a lot, and you can't even feel the thorn punctures that were tearing their way through your skin. You give yourself a once over, searching for any signs that what you just experienced actually happened.

Your question is answered when you see the dress you're wearing still has tears and rips all across it; and although your throat feels fine for the most part, there's still a slight pain when you swallow. So you weren't imagining it all. You really were attacked, not to mention almost killed, by a talking flower. As your mind begins to wander to all the ways this entire situation is impossible, you're reminded that you're in a completely unfamiliar place. Which means someone had to bring you here. _'They may have some kind of plausible answer.' _You turn in the direction of the door, ready to leave this room. This very red room, you note. However, as soon as your hand makes contact with the doorknob you falter. You don't know what's on the other side of this door, Hell, for all you know it could be a literal demon. Although, that's not far from the flower you encountered. 

You stand at the door, frozen. It feels like hours have passed since your hand met the cool handle. Trying to will the courage to open the door is no easy task it seems. _'I'll just count down. I'll open it on one. Yeah okay, Here goes..'_ Your hand tightens around the metal

"Three.." Your heartbeat is all too loud in your ears.

"Two" You twist the door-handle ever so slightly.

"One!" You wrench the door open, coming face to face with a large slice of pie, and a furry, white paw, balled into a fist, hovering just where the door was.

The holder of the pie jerks away a little, letting out a small 'Oh dear!' before wobbling around, trying to balance the plate again. To say you're speechless would be an understatement. Standing before you is an 8'4, robed goat, who is smiling patiently at you. Apparently forgetting the concept of manners all together, you stiffly close the door in it's face, without exchanging a word with the _giant goat_. A timid knock on the door snaps you out of your state of bewilderment, and you hurry to reopen the door, face flushing in embarrassment from your complete lack of manners. The goat chuckles at you, as you hang your head, and mumble out an apology.

"That's quite okay, child. I understand you meant no harm." From the pitch of her voice, you infer that the goat is a she. Her voice is soothing, and soft-spoken, just from standing in close quarters with her, you feel at ease. You get the sense she's quite maternal, from the way she presents herself to you.

You hesitantly raise your head, to meet her eyes. Just like her presence, her expression is gentle, and calming. "Hello." 

"Hello. I see that you're quite on edge, I assure you that I mean no harm, small one." She reaches out the paw that isn't holding the slice of pie. "My name is Toriel, I'm the caretaker of these ruins." You wipe your sweaty palm on the side of your dress, and then take Toriel's paw into your hand. Your eyes widen at the difference in size.

"I'm.. (Y/n). Uh.. ruins? Is that where we are?"

Toriel nods, releasing your hand, to place it back under the plate she holds. It directs your attention to it, the slice of pie smells of butterscotch and cinnamon. It's only then you realise how hungry you are, the ache in your stomach begging for something to eat. 

"I imagine you have many questions, (Y/n). If you would like, we can discuss them over a slice of Butterscotch-cinnamon pie?" Your mouth waters at the thought, not even caring about the calories in such a large desert. 

"Yeah.. yeah that'd be great, I'm uh, really confused." A nervous laugh sounds from you, as you practically drool over the food in front of you.

Toriel smiles, fangs just poking out from behind her lips. "Please, follow me" she turns her back to you, walking to the right, down the hall. She is a lot faster than you expect, so you break into a jog to catch up with her. She leads you into a pleasantly warm living room, and sets down the plate in front of one of the chairs. "I will be just a minute" She walks away, into what you guess is the kitchen. 

Awkwardly, you seat yourself at the table, and fold your hands in your lap. You scan the room, smiling at the reading chair next to the fireplace. _'She's like a grandmother.' _

_ **"Not like you would know what a grandmother is like, let alone a family." ** _

Your smile drops at the familiar, self deprecating thoughts. Looks like the fall didn't knock those out of your head. Toriel returns shortly afterwards, carrying another slice of pie. She places it in the chair closest to yours, and seats herself there. 

"Ah, sorry about the wait, my child." She offers you a knife and fork, which you take gratefully. You're yet to determine if you like the last part of that sentence. "Now, feel free to ask as many questions as you like. I'll answer them to the best of my abilities" The generosity Toriel shows you warms your heart. You try to recall all the questions that have been wildly bouncing around in your head from the minute you landed in this place, and decide to pick out the most obvious one.

"Where am I? I mean, I know i'm in the ruins but.. where is this?" You roll your eyes in your head at the phrasing of that sentence. So articulate. 

"You do not know? You are in the Underground. This is where the entire monster race has been located for the last few centuries." She cuts into the pie, and bites it off the fork. Meanwhile, your head is spinning. You already had your suspicions the moment you saw Flowey, I mean what else could it have been? But to have it confirmed.. You're really in the realm of Monsters. The rumours are true, which means your own kind.. banished an entire race here. Your body fills with shame, and disgust at the actions of humanity's predecessors.

"Miss Toriel I.. I'm so sorry. I thought the story about the war between Humans and Monsters was just that, a story. Make believe. I never knew... No wonder Flowey attacked me." Toriel frowns at your ashamed expression, and puts down her cutlery. She reaches over and rests a hand over your own, balled up fist. 

"You do not need to apologise for the actions of those who came before you. That war was a long time ago, you cannot hold the result of it as your own fault. As for that creature, he had no justification for doing what he did to you. You posed no threat to anyone here, he is a malicious monster, out for the blood of humans. Much like almost every monster outside of these ruins." The sincerity in Toriel's voice as she speaks to you, and tells you it's not your fault, reawakens something in you. Before you know it, tears are flooding your eyes, and you're fighting to keep them at bay. You're reminded of the hopelessness you felt as you jumped into that hole. The exhaustion and anger you felt at realising you were still alive, when you woke up. The fear, yet also the relief you felt as you felt your consciousness fading for the second time, after your close call with Flowey. Every emotion you have been pushing down hits you at full force, so much so, that all you can do is curl in on yourself and sob, gasping for any air you can get. You want to scream, and claw at your skin and hair. Just something to distract you from the crushing emotions trying to drag you away from reality, and into it's whirlpool of negativity. 

But just then, as you're ready to give in to the depression, you feel soft, warm arms wrap around you, and hug you close. Grounding you to this reality. Under normal circumstances, it would be too much. You would feel trapped and overwhelmed. However, these are not normal circumstances. And the arms holding you close, rocking you gently, aren't doing out of obligation or ulterior motive. They comfort you because they care. She cares. You grasp onto Toriel's arm as she hugs you from the side, your ear pressed against her chest. She gently strokes your matted hair, as you squeeze your eyes tight, trying to focus on anything but the thoughts racing through your mind. Your clasp tightens each time another urge to hurt yourself, or run away tries to fight it's way to the front of your mind. But in response, Toriel speaks to you quietly, in a hushed tone. You're still too out of it to figure out what she says, but the melodic way she speaks works to bring you back down from your emotional crash. The room around you fades back into view as your senses slowly start to return again, one by one. The emotions haven't fully died down, but they've certainly stopped hitting you at such intense force. You cough harshly, your throat noticeably more sore than before. Ever so slowly, Toriel releases you from her hold, only to cup your face and turn it to her, still kneeling next to you. She smiles sadly at you, and uses her sleeve to wipe your, no doubt, snot and tear covered face.

"You are safe here my child, nothing can hurt you whilst i'm here. Not that flower, or any other threat you may face." She moves her paws after she finishes cleaning your face. You nod, as you breathe in shakily.

"I'm sorry about your robe, Miss Toriel.." You gesture to the mess you made, but Toriel simply shakes her head, tutting.

"Just Toriel is fine, my child. And do not fret, I can wash this off" you nod again, gaze wandering down to your hands. You pick at the skin around your fingers. 

"I'm not sure where that came from.. I guess everything up until now just.. it just hit me." 

"You are in a very difficult situation, (Y/n).. you are a long way from your home on the surface, yes?" Toriel frowns, something flashing in her eyes, before it's gone entirely. 

"Yeah.. I am.." _'If you could even call it a home.'_ You straighten up your posture, and observe Toriel's expression. She seems to be conflicted about something. 

"Would you like to you stay here with me? You have had a lot of new information to process today," she stands and takes her seat at the table once more "and in the morning, you can explore the ruins if you wish." Her expression is hopeful, yet underneath you can see that she is preparing for rejection. 

"Really? You wouldn't mind? I don't want to intrude more than I already have-" Toriel's face immediately lights up in response, and she hurriedly shushes you. 

"Nonsense, it would be a pleasure to have you stay here, my child," She turns towards the plates of pie you two have yet to finish "now, shall we eat?" As soon as the word's leave her mouth, you're already picking up your knife and fork and digging in. She laughs cheerfully, following your actions. 

The time you spend at the table you discuss both of your interests, and hobbies. Toriel tells you stories of the underground, whilst you explain the plot of your favourite movies and TV shows to her. 

And for the first time, in a long time, you both feel at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Awww, how sweet. You're both happy! 
> 
> What a shame it won't last. 
> 
> Sorry about the delay on this upload, I had a huuuge case of Writer's Block, and wanted to make sure this chapter wasn't just bad, forced writing in order to get it out quicker. I hope it was worth the wait!


	4. The True Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
The Chapter Below contains:  
Self Harm  
Self Deprecating Thoughts  
Implied/Referenced Abusive Relationship
> 
> Please read with caution, my loves. I'd strongly recommend anyone who struggles with a mental illness to stop reading this story, or to exercise caution when they are. All my love, and I hope you enjoy the chapter <3

The pillar your hand rests upon is cold, you can feel the ridges within it and the small cracks from the wear. You pick at a small dent with your finger, waiting for your eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room before you. Stalling would be the right word for what you're doing. _'Ugh' _you bite the inside of your cheek, stepping out from behind the small pillar. The room is as empty as you remember, apart from the beam of light centred on a small patch of grass. _'Get in, find my knife, get out' _Your heart beats in your chest as you hurry into the room, scouring it for your phone and blade. You see something glint on the floor, it's a small item sticking out of the ground. Relieved, you walk over and kneel down, pulling it out of the ground, it's your pocket knife. _'Oh thank god'. _You tuck it into your sleeve, looking around the rest of the room. Toriel gave you your phone after dinner, as you were heading to bed. She said that she found it not far from the wall you collided with, a little cracked.

Having found what you were looking for, you half-run out of the room, having no plans to return there. The ruins are silent apart from the sound of your boots against the stone floors. You feel guilty sneaking out this late, especially when Toriel isn't aware, but your mind was far too on edge to rest. It was inane without your pocket knife beside you. There's no use in trying until you had it in your possession again.

The several puzzles on the way back to the room were all completed, you noticed. Whilst you walk back to Toriel's house, you're unfocused. thoughts racing through your head a mile minute.** '**_**Now that you have your knife back, why don't you see if it still does the job?'** _The voice returns, kind as ever. A groan of frustration leaves you. You knock the side of your head with your palm, trying to rid your mind of the burden of your intrusive thoughts. It never works, but you won't stop trying. Now that you have your thoughts somewhat together, you consider your next plan of action. Staying here in the ruins with Toriel would be.. well, a dream. Which is exactly why you can't stay, it's too good to be true. Far better than you'd ever deserve. Besides, she's a stranger, you don't know her true intentions. And even if they are good intentions, you aren't worthy of them anyways.. the best you can do for her is to get out of here, and kill yourself, like you intended. You know you have all the power to do it right here, right now. Toriel wouldn't have to deal with the burden of caring for you, to deal with all your unstable emotions. But you can't do it here, she'd find your body or someone else would. So how the hell are you going to break the news that you need to leave?

You're in front of her house before you even register you were moving at all. A burning, writhing mass of anxiety settles into your chest as you renter the house. The lights are still off, and you hear gentle snoring from the room you deduced was Toriel's. _'Ah she's still asleep, good.' _You slip the boots you're wearing off. Once they're both off, you're left barefoot, apart from the ripped tights you wear. Your movements are a lot more discreet now when walking around. Another glance at Toriel's door shows that she's not waking up anytime soon. You hesitate, is this a good idea after all? You make your way down the staircase she asked you to stay away from, brushing off any reluctance.

At the end of the long, purple hallway, is a towering purple door, with a symbol you recognise from Toriel's robe. _'This must be the exit'. _You stand before the menacing door, behind which is a whole race of monsters, out for your blood. You know that you have to leave, you need to. But it doesn't make it any easier. Your hand makes contact with the door, hesitating. It might be because you're on edge, but you could have sworn you heard a whooshing sound from behind it. As you're about to finally open the door, you hear two gentle knocks.

You lunge backwards, landing on the floor with a dull thump. Something chuckles from behind the door. "Sorry lady, didn't mean to scare ya." You're silent, staring at the door with wide eyes, clutching your knife to your chest. The person continues. "I probably shouldn't've showed up so late, but I gotta talk to you about that promise you asked of me.."

_'Promise?'_

This is wrong. You know this. You're eavesdropping on something you shouldn't be. And you're sneaking behind Toriel's back to do it. You decide you're going to speak up, tell this muffled voice that you're not Toriel, and that she's sleeping... Well you will, after he finishes what he's going to say anyway. Curiosity killed the cat. You should have considered that before remaining silent.

You hear fabric sliding down the door "I thought about it, and.. I dunno if I can look out for this human you're talkin about. I mean, you said yourself, they don't seem all that interested in leaving." The voice sighs "But what if once they're out, they get spooked? Start attackin' monsters. They're an older human, right? You know how the older ones are.."

You sit there, gaping at the door with a very obvious betrayed expression. Without a word, you stand and walk away. You hear the voice utter a faint "Lady?" before you're out of earshot completely. Your footsteps are swift and silent as you climb the stairs, and shut yourself in the bedroom. _'One day and she's already sick of me. Already wants me gone.' _You crumple onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. All kinds of emotions swirl around in your stomach, making you dizzy. But you only stare, feeling helpless.

** _'Does it remind you of me, (Y/n)?'_ **

The thought hits you like a train, without warning. A sound like a hiss leaves your mouth, as you're bombarded with thoughts of your life on the surface. You feel his hands on you, possessively circling you, stroking your hair. You hear a voice utter sour, manipulative things to you, and you need it. You need his false reassurances and his honeyed words, you know you'll be nothing without them. He tells you this. He drills it into your mind, makes sure you'll never forget without him, you'd lose everything. Everyone would realise what a disgusting person you are. You never doubt it for a second. Your heart screams, it begs you to stop. Stop. '_stop. stop stop stop stopstopstopstop' _

Your hand flails around, searching for your pocket knife, discarded next to you on the bed. As soon as your fingertips make contact with the smooth metal blade, you snatch it up. You pull your dress up, and tights down, exposing your scarred thighs. You don't think. You're incapable. The blade drags across your skin, the blood beads up, and your hand smudges it around. You do it again. You don't stop until the phantom touches fade away, until his words bleed their way out of the wounds you make. You're choking; swallowing on the air your throat refuses to let into your lungs. Knuckles turning white around the bloodied handle of your knife.

** _'Don't be so damn dramatic, babe.'_ **

You drop the pocket-knife, his orders snapping you back to reality. Your hand shoots out to cover the cuts with your palm, praying that no blood got on the sheets. Luck seems to be on your side for once. There's no blood surrounding you, most of it drying onto your legs as you smudged it around. Assessing the damage, you thank your sub-conscience for not allowing you to cut too deep. Anymore blood and you wouldn't have been able to stop the mess. Already regretful, you pull your tights back up, and settle your dress back over the cuts. They sting and the fabric rubs against the fresh wounds, but you deserve it. You know you do. He always thought the same too.

A wave of exhaustion washes over you, making your eyes focus on nothing in particular. Around 20 minutes of you battling to stay focused pass, before you finally regain grip on reality. The feeling of floating leaves your body, and you stand up from the bed, looking around the room, with no real goal, you slip your boots on, not caring much for the noise it will make. Your phone is tucked into your dress sleeve, and you bend down you bend down to grab your pocket knife. '_I need to leave' _your legs are shaky, and your steps are unstable as you once again open the door. The hallway is still as silent as ever. It felt like time was racing whilst you hauled yourself up, but on the outside, nothing changed. You figure enough time has passed for that person to leave anyway.

You feel much less guilty leaving like this now. Toriel didn't want you here for anything permanent anyways.. It hurts, yes. The way she lit up last night, how excited she was to have you here, it almost makes you doubt yourself. Almost. It's easier to walk away now, knowing that you aren't causing any trouble. You sneak into the kitchen, slinking around trying to find paper to write a small note. A colouring book and crayons is the closest thing you come up with. You decide it's best to keep it short and sweet, you wouldn't want to bore her with such a long note.

_"I'm sorry to have been a burden. I'll be gone by the time you read this. Thank you for being so patient with me, Toriel. Goodbye - (Y/n)"_

It'll suffice. You've never been one for goodbyes, so you don't know what you were expecting. You leave the note on the table, reading over it with a heavy heart. She wants this, you remind yourself. The silent walk back to the exit is melancholic, you can't shake off the feeling, no matter how much you try. It's familiar, and it feels like a stab to the chest. The door is heavy under your bloodied palms as you lean against it. With a reluctant shove, it creaks open, leading to another long hallway, with varying shades of purple ahead of you. The source of the voice is long gone. You know that if you don't leave now, you likely never will, and so you walk through, closing the door behind you. The sound of Toriel awakening lost on your ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm currently working on the next update, where the reader finally encounters Sans. Do you believe this is a slow burn now? :) I would love to hear your ideas or what you would like to see in this fan-fiction, as I write this for you, my readers! If there's something you'd really like to see happen eventually, comment down below, and I'll see what I can do. All my love <3


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